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Emotional IntelligenceDevelop your EI or success will elude you.
Emotional Intelligence is recognised as the single biggest predictor of performance and the strongest driver in leadership and personal excellence. So what is it? Simply put, EI is the ability to recognise and manage your own emotions as well as those of the people around you. |
For so long we have been concentrating on IQ scores and personality tests as indicators of how far we will climb the professional and social ladders in life. Yet studies observing how graduates, with the highest entry level scores from some of the most illustrious schools, progressed in life in relation to those with average grades, showed they did not fair any better – and often faired worse.
The traits propelling the successful to higher heights, were not their technical skills or personality types, it was how they conducted themselves and how they interacted with others. Otherwise known as their emotional intelligence.
There is no known connection between IQ, personality and EI.
Hint
Our IQ remains the same throughout our lives and our personalities are hard wired from a very young age.
EI on the other hand is flexible. We can therefore work at increasing our Emotional Intelligence.
Researchers have outlined five main elements of Emotional Intelligence.
1. Self-awareness – knowing how you feel at any given moment. Are you feeling happy or sad, is someone getting on your nerves or are you feeling uneasy with a situation. Stopping and thinking what you are feeling, how your body is reacting and what thoughts are in your head help you realise the emotions you are experiencing and the impact they are having on you and the people around you. Developing a healthy dose of self-confident and having a strong sense of your self worth and solid values help you keep an even keel and be grounded.
2. Self-regulation is not letting your emotions get the better of you - managing yourself. If you feel anger towards someone, it is not immediately shouting at them and belittling them. Or if you suddenly feel anxious in a situation it is using tools to address the emotion, calm yourself and function normally. Tools that could be of assistance may be controlled breathing, meditation, NLP. By self-regulating you are sending the message that you can be relied on, trusted, that you operate with integrity and are accountable.
3. Motivation. People with high EI are motivated. They are goal driven, high achievers, committed. This is not to say they do not have negative talk, they may well have, but they have learnt to control it. They stop the negative and get back on the positive trail quickly. Like anyone they have challenges in life, obstacles to overcome. They do not necessarily embrace them, but they do not let them get in the way, they take the initiative and stay optimistic.
4. Empathy. Recognising and endeavouring to understand how others around you feel helps you communicate more effectively and compassionately with them, whether this be through words, body language or actions. It can have tremendous positive impact on your relationships. An empathic person recognises the emotional currents in a room, can detect potential problems in a team and anticipate professional needs. Being empathetic engenders trust.
5. Social Skills. Interpersonal skills are what makes people feel at ease with you and draws people to you. You communicate well and they listen to you. Your social skills allow you to influence, successfully negotiate, manage conflict and initiate change while all the time encouraging others, building trust and creating harmony and a productive environment around you.
How can you learn EI?
• The first step in increasing your Emotional Intelligence is the desire to change. You have to want to make the change, to open yourself up to the change and embrace it.
• Next, self-assessment is a good starting point. Keep a journal. Throughout the day write down how you are feeling and how you are reacting to these emotions. If you find this exercise difficult, to begin with you may want to write at predetermined times i.e immediately when you get up, when you arrive in the office, lunch-time, 3pm, 6pm then before going to bed. You will no doubt start to see patterns and begin to have a better understanding of your roller coaster mood swings.
• In a short period of time you will recognise the change in emotion immediately. When this happens, stop, take a step back and ask yourself ‘Why am I feeling this?” In recognising the change, you give yourself the opportunity to manage it. No-one has control over what happens to them, but they do have control over how they react to it. Some tools that can help you are deep breathing or NLP triggers.
• Once you begin to reap the benefits of self-awareness and self-regulation you will see the effect it has on others and assist you in working on your empathy and social skills. Continue with the journal and note down how you have observed other’s emotions. Put yourself in their shoes then set about how you can display your understanding and have a positive effect on them.
• Working steadily towards well-defined goals based on solid values builds your confidence. During any difficult times, take your goals out and renew your determination to achieve them.
• Seek out people you admire and who you feel have high EI and model yourself on them. Observe how they handle themselves in a variety of situations, look at their body language, listen to their language and study their facial expressions. Emulate them and overtime you will inject your own style.
• It is being intuitive, recognising your feeling and using these emotions to guide you in a positive direction.
Next steps:
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We would love to hear from you, please send us any issue or topics you would like us to cover.
The traits propelling the successful to higher heights, were not their technical skills or personality types, it was how they conducted themselves and how they interacted with others. Otherwise known as their emotional intelligence.
There is no known connection between IQ, personality and EI.
Hint
Our IQ remains the same throughout our lives and our personalities are hard wired from a very young age.
EI on the other hand is flexible. We can therefore work at increasing our Emotional Intelligence.
Researchers have outlined five main elements of Emotional Intelligence.
1. Self-awareness – knowing how you feel at any given moment. Are you feeling happy or sad, is someone getting on your nerves or are you feeling uneasy with a situation. Stopping and thinking what you are feeling, how your body is reacting and what thoughts are in your head help you realise the emotions you are experiencing and the impact they are having on you and the people around you. Developing a healthy dose of self-confident and having a strong sense of your self worth and solid values help you keep an even keel and be grounded.
2. Self-regulation is not letting your emotions get the better of you - managing yourself. If you feel anger towards someone, it is not immediately shouting at them and belittling them. Or if you suddenly feel anxious in a situation it is using tools to address the emotion, calm yourself and function normally. Tools that could be of assistance may be controlled breathing, meditation, NLP. By self-regulating you are sending the message that you can be relied on, trusted, that you operate with integrity and are accountable.
3. Motivation. People with high EI are motivated. They are goal driven, high achievers, committed. This is not to say they do not have negative talk, they may well have, but they have learnt to control it. They stop the negative and get back on the positive trail quickly. Like anyone they have challenges in life, obstacles to overcome. They do not necessarily embrace them, but they do not let them get in the way, they take the initiative and stay optimistic.
4. Empathy. Recognising and endeavouring to understand how others around you feel helps you communicate more effectively and compassionately with them, whether this be through words, body language or actions. It can have tremendous positive impact on your relationships. An empathic person recognises the emotional currents in a room, can detect potential problems in a team and anticipate professional needs. Being empathetic engenders trust.
5. Social Skills. Interpersonal skills are what makes people feel at ease with you and draws people to you. You communicate well and they listen to you. Your social skills allow you to influence, successfully negotiate, manage conflict and initiate change while all the time encouraging others, building trust and creating harmony and a productive environment around you.
How can you learn EI?
• The first step in increasing your Emotional Intelligence is the desire to change. You have to want to make the change, to open yourself up to the change and embrace it.
• Next, self-assessment is a good starting point. Keep a journal. Throughout the day write down how you are feeling and how you are reacting to these emotions. If you find this exercise difficult, to begin with you may want to write at predetermined times i.e immediately when you get up, when you arrive in the office, lunch-time, 3pm, 6pm then before going to bed. You will no doubt start to see patterns and begin to have a better understanding of your roller coaster mood swings.
• In a short period of time you will recognise the change in emotion immediately. When this happens, stop, take a step back and ask yourself ‘Why am I feeling this?” In recognising the change, you give yourself the opportunity to manage it. No-one has control over what happens to them, but they do have control over how they react to it. Some tools that can help you are deep breathing or NLP triggers.
• Once you begin to reap the benefits of self-awareness and self-regulation you will see the effect it has on others and assist you in working on your empathy and social skills. Continue with the journal and note down how you have observed other’s emotions. Put yourself in their shoes then set about how you can display your understanding and have a positive effect on them.
• Working steadily towards well-defined goals based on solid values builds your confidence. During any difficult times, take your goals out and renew your determination to achieve them.
• Seek out people you admire and who you feel have high EI and model yourself on them. Observe how they handle themselves in a variety of situations, look at their body language, listen to their language and study their facial expressions. Emulate them and overtime you will inject your own style.
• It is being intuitive, recognising your feeling and using these emotions to guide you in a positive direction.
Next steps:
Please, feel free to share this article on your social media channels:
We would love to have you in our community, you can follow us on Instagram, FB, Linkedin and Twitter:
We would love to hear from you, please send us any issue or topics you would like us to cover.
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